First, let me apologize for not talking to any of you since the first week of February.
It is nothing you said, or did and I am not snubbing you, you are my friend and I still luvs ya!
I just have been really busy lately and it is only now that I have a few minutes for us to sit, have a coffee and chat.
As a parent we sometimes get so busy with life that we forget something that we promised our child.
Whether it is to go somewhere, do something or buy that special toy, forgetting can lead to a tantrum or the cold shoulder and you feeling guilty.
This is a natural feeling. The child is disappointed because he or she did not get to do, go or have what they were looking forward to. You feel guilty for that disappointment.
However, we are human, we can forget, especially when we have a 1000 things to juggle on our plate and in our minds.
Usually, the disappointment blows over.
It blows over for me too.
But, for me, the reaction of forgetting something is much more severe.
Christian's school every month sends home a flyer listing a variety of children's/youth books were the kids can pick out which books they want and the parent fills out the form and sends it in with the money by a certain date.
I love this because not only do company have really good, entertaining and educational books for a very reasonable price, but each order helps raise funds for the child's classroom, providing them with reading material and so on.
For me, anything that can get my son excited about reading while providing for his school, is tops with me!
I promised Christian that he could get two of his favourite books and I would have the order ready by Monday, the due date.
Well, I made a oops when I got caught up in everything else going on in my life and I, eek!
I did not even realize that I forgot until Christian asked me where his order was so he could pass it in to his teacher.
This is when I remembered I accidentally threw the form away!
A meltdown that I failed epically at stopping.
First the tears.
Then the name calling and swear words that no boy his age should know.
Then the screaming with the crying
This quickly escalated to stomping, more screams, self effacing statements and ripping off his shirt.
He stormed off to his room, slammed the door and screamed for another half hour into his pillow.
Did I mention that in the middle of all this, it caused a negative response from his baby brother who, not understanding what was happening with his big brother, screamed and cried right along with him?
This was easily the worst meltdown in months.
Normally, Christian's meltdowns last anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes, tops.
This one lasted an hour.
It left my husband wrung out and stressed, Brandon unsure how to the approach his brother once it was over and Christian exhausted and his eyes swollen from all the tears.
As for me, though I was calm and serene during the whole event, because I am too used to the meltdowns, when the dust settled, I ran out the door for a nice long walk to clear my head because it was spinning and muddled from the trauma.
I do not feel anything during anymore, it is afterwards I feel the effects.
I cannot explain what goes inside Christian's brain in the middle of this terrifying storm, what sort of fireworks that are being fired off at the same time, overwhelming him.
I cannot explain why autism will cause something so simple, so innocent, cause such a dramatic reaction.
I am not a doctor.
I am just a mother, struggling everyday to understand Christian, while he struggles to understand us.
Thank you for letting me ramble.